


Masks of the Heart

by IcedFairy



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 15:16:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4710656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcedFairy/pseuds/IcedFairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hata no Kokoro has learned many emotions since losing her mask of hope, but one continues to confuse her. In her confusion she turns to her nemesis Koishi to try to understand her feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Masks of the Heart

Kokoro looked down at her masks as they swirled around her. They were part of her, yet not all of her, not anymore. She was still a menreiki, but as she'd learned the emotions, allowed them to carve themselves into her youkai face, the masks had one by one become symbols of her emotion, instead of containers. In that first summer she'd learned joy, frustration, sorrow, anger, and finally hope.

Over the years since she'd learned many more emotions. From surprise to boredom. But there were so many more she had yet to master. The mask she was looking at now was one of them. The bright smile of a young woman looked back at her. This was supposed to be the mask of Love.

And yet whenever she held it and let it fill her, the masks of anger and lust awoke as well. She didn't understand why.

"Maybe it's broken," she muttered, flipping over the mask and looking at it from the inside. Kokoro pored over the mask from every angle, looking for smudges or cracks.

In the end she found nothing.

With a sigh she released the mask, allowing it to join the others circling around her. The mask had been surfacing more regularly, and it never made any sense.

Finally she stood up. She had an idea on how to master the mask. Now she just had to convince the person to help her.

* * *

Koishi skipped along the path. She wasn't sure where she wanted to go today, so she was just going places. Eventually she'd find a place she wanted to be.

"Hey!"

Koishi turned to see Kokoro pointing at her. Koishi blinked at the menreiki and then hopped into the air. "Oh, did you want to fight again? You'll just lose you know." Koishi found taunting the other woman fun.

Kokoro summoned a spear. "You won't be so confident after I-" The woman paused then shook her head. "Wait, no. I'm not here for a fight this time." She put away her spear and casually floated closer. "I want your help with something."

"Hm? What?" Koishi shifted back and forth. She was curious now.

"I'll let you borrow this mask," Kokoro said holding up a mask of a young woman, "and in return I get to follow you for the rest of the day."

Koishi looked at the mask. It was simple, but something about it drew her in. She moved closer to look more closely at the artifact. "I might not give it back," Koishi said as she poked the mask. It felt warm, and made her heart beat a little faster. She definitely wasn't going to give this back!

"I'll just take it back if you try," Kokoro said. "Anyway will you let me follow you today?"

Koishi dismissed the threat and considered the offer. She wasn't really big on having to stick near people. She liked being able to do her own thing whenever she wanted. But the mask was really nice. And now that she was holding it she felt like it might be fun to spend some time with Kokoro. "Okay. It's a deal!"

"Good." Kokoro released the mask into Koishi's hand. Koishi smiled and slipped the mask into her sleeve. Her heartbeat slowed, but she felt happy now. And since she wanted to spend time with Kokoro, it was a really good bargain!

Kokoro on the other hand looked confused. Koishi briefly wondered if she'd done something wrong. Or had her rival made a mistake?

A spark of hunger drove that thought from Koishi's mind. "Okay. Let's get some food." She grabbed Kokoro's hand and started skipping through the air, dragging the menreiki behind her. "There's a good place underground."

"Okay. But why are you holding my hand?" Kokoro asked. "I can follow you." The other woman seemed embarrassed for some reason.

"Because I feel like it," Koishi replied simply. And since she felt like teasing the other woman she added, "Besides if I didn't you might get lost in Hell. The big scary oni might eat you."

Kokoro glared at her as they skipped along. "I'm not afraid of oni, and you live in the old hell. You won't scare me like that."

"I'll just have to find a better way to scare you then," Koishi said as they started down into the darkness. "So how do you feel about spiders?"

"I've met Yamame and I know she's a nice person," Kokoro countered.

"Drat," Koishi started to consider other pranks. "Hrm then let's see..."

Sadly Koishi only managed to scare Kokoro once, with the lava waterfall. Still it had been fun trying. And Kokoro had tried to scare her in return using her masks, which was funny.

Finally they arrived in the old hell. Koishi skipped up to a restaurant she liked and waved for the attendant. "Table for two please."

The lesser oni jumped in surprise like she always did, then pulled out a menu. "Oh. The other satori. Well I suppose we do have a table for you and your guest." The oni shook her head, probably wondering who would be crazy enough to travel with a satori.

Kokoro looked around the crowded bar as the server lead them towards the back. "It looks crowded. How did you get a place so easily?"

"Because they're afraid of letting me drive off the customers by waiting." The server flinched at the blunt explanation. "After all everyone hates satori for our powers. And they hate a satori like me even though I don't have those powers."

Kokoro frowned and looked up at the serving woman. "Which is why we're being hidden away in the back."

"Yeah, it's great! I can get in anywhere like this," Koishi replied. Sure it was unfair, but she could use the unfairness to her advantage.

"Your table," the oni woman said as she opened up the back room. Koishi was a little impressed that the woman had ignored their causal dissection of her bigotry. Then again the woman was a oni, and they didn't lie, even when they should.

Koishi sat down, with Kokoro taking the seat opposite her. The server handed them both menus, and Koishi let her eyes flicker over it before deciding on one. "The kassha style ramen with an extra egg please." She then turned her gaze onto Kokoro and smiled.

The menreiki looked startled at the sudden attention. Kokoro scanned the menu desperately before sighing and saying "The same, and a bottle of Meifumado sake."

"Good choice," the oni said sincerely before collecting the payment and scurrying out.

"How do you know about the underground sake?" Koishi asked.

Kokoro waved her hand and her masks spun a bit. "That tanuki lady who occasionally bothers me knows a lot about sake. And tobacco."

Koishi grimaced. She hated the smell of tobacco.

The two sat in silence for a bit. As time passed Koishi noticed her companion seemed lost in thought, angry and confused masks spinning around her head. "Hm? What are you thinking?"

"It seems wrong. Don't people want to communicate with each other? They go through all this trouble to communicate their emotions," Kokoro held up one of her masks. "They create things like me, and then when they find someone who knows what they want to say, they get angry."

Koishi laughed. "They used you to communicate, but then they threw you away right? Humans and youkai do all sorts of things they regret later." She shrugged. "But that's fine. I don't want to hear them anymore anyway."

"Oh." Kokoro considered the thought.

The oni server came back with a bottle and two bowls of steaming soup. "Two kassha style ramen, with extra egg. The human's stock is a little fresher than usual, so I hope you enjoy it."

"Thanks," Koishi said automatically as the woman quickly put down the plates before running away. The ramen smelled very good. Koishi started blowing on the soup to cool it.

Kokoro opened the bottle, then hesitated before pouring Koishi's cup first. It was funny how the menreiki girl was having a harder and harder time remembering they were enemies. Koishi wanted to see the girl more flustered.

That thought on her mind, she picked up some of the hot peppers the oni had started stocking. "Here. You should add some of these to the meal. It'll really give it a kick!"

"Ah!" Kokoro hastily put down the sake bottle and covered her ramen. "Human meat shouldn't be spiced so heavily! Besides that thing isn't a real spice. Just burning."

"Don't be such a baby," Koishi replied as she waved her hands over Kokoro's soup. "It's the newest thing! You should try it!"

Kokoro did her best to shield her meal from the fiery destruction in Koishi's hands. "No! Not a chance!"

"Too late~" Koishi said before opening her hands wide. "Sploosh!"

"Ah!" Kokoro looked in shock at her soup, then the angry fox mask spun up as she realized Koishi hadn't dropped the peppers at all. "You're mean."

"You're funny," Koishi replied as she put down the offending spices. She pulled out her chopsticks and started on the noodles, now that they'd cooled a bit. The freshness actually did help the ramen. "The sake you picked is nice too."

Kokoro's anger flickered back to confusion at that. "Oh. Thank you." The menreiki began eating her own ramen. "Ah, this is better than most surface places."

"Yeah the oni can be great cooks when they try. Most just don't," Koishi said.

They ate together sharing the sake as the noise from the bar outside rose and fell. Occasionally the servers poked a head back, but they left quickly when they saw food still present.

As the meal wound down, Koishi noticed Kokoro giving her odd looks again. "What?"

Kokoro shook her head. "I was just wondering if you wanted to go meet someone else?"

"Hm?" Koishi considered the idea. "No." Kokoro seemed relieved at her statement. "I think I want to go to the gardens."

"Why the gardens?" Kokoro asked.

"Because I feel like it," Koishi replied. She drained the last bit of broth then stood. "Come on."

Kokoro finished off the sake. "Alright."

Koishi grabbed Kokoro's hand, smiling at the other girl's continued confusion and skipped out the back. The gardens were only a short distance away from the restaurant, around a few more bars, and through a tunnel.

She could tell Kokoro was beginning to wonder if this was another trick when they finally entered into the cavern. The oni village was lit with thousands of lanterns. Here things were different. Brilliant lichens, glowing pools and floating souls of the damned filled this closed cavern with light, and painted the millions of stalactites and stalagmites in a dazzling array of light and shadows.

"It's pretty," Kokoro said quietly.

"I know, I know!" Koishi replied as she gestured around. "Orin showed it to me! A lot of people get scared off by the dead souls, but we're immune to evil spirits so we can enjoy it!" Koishi started down the path further in, keeping a firm grip on Kokoro's hand. "Come on, come on. The view's even better in the next cavern."

"Don't rush," Kokoro chastised her. "I don't want to miss this part, even if it's 'better' later."

Koishi slowed her pace. "Alright." She really wanted Kokoro to see the inner cavern, but it wouldn't be any fun if the menreiki was sulking.

Besides Koishi had to admit, the view here was still very nice. Their own shadows joined the mix of light and dark as they slowly walked through through the cavern.

"Ah, that pool is bubbling," Kokoro said, pointing to a roiling greenish puddle. "Are these geysers?"

"Just hot springs," Koishi replied. "The whole area has a lot of water. That's how all these formations are made. If you listen quietly you can hear it dripping."

Kokoro nodded and quieted down. Slowly the drop of water became louder, drowning the murmur of their hearts. It was arrhythmic and originless, but it was mesmerizing all in its own.

After listening for a while Kokoro finally murmured, "It reminds me of the crowd when I'm dancing. It fits the scene despite just being background noise."

"Hm, you like dancing a lot," Koishi said. "But I don't understand how you can enjoy the kind of dancing you do. It's all formal and ritualized." Koishi tried to ape some of the motions while Kokoro muttered about how she was doing it wrong. "Why don't you perform more natural dances?"

"Those dances are natural to me," Kokoro said as they started down the path again. "I was born knowing them." The menreiki stretched. "But they're also my relaxation dances. I know other dance styles too. I even know outside world dances."

"Really?" Koishi spun to look at the other woman. "That's so cool! You'll have to show me sometime."

Kokoro blushed and looked away. "Well maybe some of them." Apparently some of her dances weren't something she wanted leaking out to the general public. Koishi resolved to trick Kokoro into showing them later.

But right now they were entering the second chamber. Koishi turned around to make sure she saw Kokoro's face when she entered.

It was everything Koishi had hoped for. Kokoro's mouth opened every so slightly and her eyes went wide. The surprised mask that appeared just served to crown Koishi's success. She could hear the menreiki's unspoken words.

_"It's like being inside a gemstone."_

"It kind of is," Koishi replied as she looked out over the cavern. This part of the cavern was like a giant geode. Amethyst, quartz, and citrine lined the walls, while lines of gold snaked through the crystals. And all of it gleamed in the light of the glowing pools and spirits.

Kokoro slowly hovered into the air, peering all around as the changing shadows altered the faces of the jeweled walls. "This would be a good stage to dance on."

"Hm, but you wouldn't be able to bring an audience in here," Koishi mused. "Even if we could get youkai who weren't afraid, they'd mess up the lighting."

"I'd just have to pick a small group then," Kokoro said. "One or two people should be fine."

Koishi smiled. "Oh?" She sat down in the air. "So why don't you dance for me?"

"Wha?" Kokoro backpedaled before thrusting a fan at her. "You're still my nemesis you know! Just because we're working together today doesn't mean I want to perform for you!" _Even if it might be fun._

"You suuuure?" Koishi's smirk widened. "I mean I'm the only person other than Orin and Okuu who ever comes here. I suppose you could dance all by yourself, but that defeats the purpose of a stage doesn't it?"

Kokoro hesitated, then nodded. "Fine, you're right." The mercurial youkai pulled out her fans. "But it will be a traditional dance."

"That's fine~ that's fine~." Koishi moved a bit back to get a better view of the cavern. "Do whatever you want."

"Very well." Kokoro thought for a moment, then put away the fans and pulled out her naginata. _This dance would be best._

The menreiki took a few cautious steps, her mind summoning up a song, then slowly moving to the inaudible beats. It started slow, gems slowly dulling as her blade covered the light, but as the menreiki slowly relaxed she started to move faster.

Soon Koishi was the one watching in stunned silence as the other woman danced. The cavern really was the perfect stage. Kokoro's movements were so quick the flicker of shadow and light across the walls created shimmering ripples. The naginata and her pink hair swirled around her body, and Koishi could tell that Kokoro was completely absorbed in her dance. The only sound from the woman, conscious or unconscious was the music in her heart.

All too soon though the music ended, and with it Kokoro's movements. After a pause, the menreiki unsummoned her naginata. "That was everything I'd hoped for." _I wonder if I will have a performance like that again? Probably not._

"Hm. It was beautiful," Koishi said. "I'd like to see it again some day."

Kokoro blushed very faintly. _Why does hearing that make me happy?_ "I'll consider it."

Koishi felt the mask she'd put in her sleeve tug a little, so she stuffed it back. "Hm... why don't we go look at my pets?"

"Why?" Kokoro asked.

"Because that's what I want to do," Koishi replied. She grabbed Kokoro's hand. "Come on, let's go!"

Kokoro's confused mask hung around her head as they flew out of the glittering cavern towards the palace of the earth spirits. _I don't understand. Her or myself._

"What's to understand?" Koishi said as she slipped in through a window. "Emotions are about experiencing them right?"

"I know. But I don't understand the experience. I don't know what makes me feel things," Kokoro said. _And I don't understand what you're feeling either._

"What I'm feeling?" Koishi pulled out the mask and looked at it. It didn't seem to give her the same feel as the mask of hope had. "What do you mean by that? Were you trying to understand the emotion by watching me?"

"Yes," Kokoro admitted. "I wanted to give you the mask to see how it affected you." _Like with the mask of hope._

"Hrm?" Koishi frowned at that. For some reason that annoyed her. The good feelings from the mask seemed to dim as well. "Why me? And what mask is this anyway?"

Kokoro shook her head. "I... don't know why I picked you." _It was because you appeared in my mind every time that mask activated._ "And that mask is... _the mask of Love._ "

Koishi blinked, then laughed and continued down the corridor. "Mask of love? Well that was a mistake. I can't love. My heart is closed after all."

 _Oh. That's right._ Kokoro's sad face hovered around her head. "I guess this was all a waste of time then." _Thought it's kind of sad that you can't feel that emotion._

"I suppose I miss love a bit," Koishi admitted. "But I couldn't stand all those other emotions. Best to just stick with the fun emotions that live in your subconscious! Those emotions can do all the work!"

Koishi stopped as Kokoro put a hand on her shoulder. "Wait. Koishi."

Koishi turned around. "What?"

Kokoro looked down at Koishi's chest. _Your eye is open._

For a moment all Koishi could hear was her own heartbeat. Panic seized her. She turned and ran through the corridors, past her pet's room to her own small bedroom. She slammed open the door, then moved to her mirror. Her reflection faced her, heaving for breath and trembling, but Koishi managed to pull herself together and really look.

Three eyes looked back at her. The one on her chest was barely open, but she could see the pupil moving around.

"Koishi! What happened?" Kokoro asked as the she glided into the room. _You're worrying me. Why am I worried about you?_

Koishi whirled to face the menreiki. "I DON'T WANT THIS!" She hurled the mask of love back towards Kokoro, who caught it with shaky hands. "Take it back! The deal is off!"

Kokoro's masks whirled around her, the returned mask of love joining the frenzy. _Did she refuse my love? No wait that's not it. But it hurts._ "Why don't you want this mask?" _Is it because you don't want to be hurt by the words from other people's hearts?_

"Because I chose this!" Koishi shouted. She took a few breaths to recover. "I hate the voices, yes. But more than that I hate the weakness. My closed eye gives me power. The power to ignore others, to take care of myself. The power to hurt those who hate me. The power to do what I want when I want. I won't give that up!"

Koishi took a shaky step forward, reached up and grabbed one of the swirling masks. It looked like a drunken man with bulging eyes and his tongue sticking out. Heat filled her body from the inside as she looked at it. "I want this mask."

"That's the mask of lust," Kokoro said quietly. _Do you think it will help you close your eye?_

"It will help me ignore my eye until it closes on its own." Koishi took another step towards Kokoro, her heart tendrils unwrapping and moving to encircle the other woman. "Will you let me have it?"

Kokoro sighed slowly then stepped forward and reached to unbutton Koishi's shirt. _I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but it's what we both want._ "We'll share it."

"Okay."

Koishi embraced Kokoro, kissing the menreiki girl. She ran her hands over Kokoro's back and hair while her heart tendrils slipped under the other woman's clothes. Kokoro shivered at the touch, then began unbuttoning both of their shirts.

As Kokoro finally peeled off their clothes Koishi pulled her onto the bed. _Why did I fall in love with her?_ Kokoro's heart asked.

Koishi felt pain ripple through her own heart. "Because I'm your nemesis. The one person you can't overcome. And you're mine." Koishi rested her head on Kokoro's shoulder.

Kokoro placed a hand on Koishi's chest. "Would you love me if you could love?"

"I do," Koishi admitted.

And then she let the power of Kokoro's mask take control of her.

The feelings were powerful. Almost overwhelming. Her lips brushed against Kokoro's neck while her hands explored the other woman's body. Koishi's tendrils rubbed against Kokoro's entrance and she wanted to jam them in right now. But her fading consciousness held her back.

Kokoro gasped and pawed at Koishi's chest as the passion flowed over her. _Ah! Her eye is closing._ She managed to regain enough control to catch Koishi in a kiss. _Koishi I-_

And then the only sound was only the beating of their real hearts, the rustling of sheets and the murmurs of passion. The bliss Koishi had hoped for.

The next morning she awoke and carefully slipped out of the covers before quietly putting on her clothes. She pretended not to see Kokoro's masks shift as she pulled on her shoes and headed for the doorway. However when she reached the door she paused. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do.

Finally she said, "Thank you. I hope you understand."

And with that she skipped out of the room. She wasn't sure where she wanted to go today, but she didn't want to be here. So she'd go places until she found one she wanted to be.

* * *

Kokoro looked down at the mask of love. It was unblemished, but the masks of anger and lust no longer awoke when she held it. Now sorrow and confusion were its friends.

There was no use lingering on it though. She left the now empty room behind, aimlessly walking the halls looking for an exit.

"Kokoro."

She froze at the voice. Turning she found Satori Komeiji waving her over from what looked to be a kitchen and dining area. Kokoro hesitated, then nodded and walked in.

Surprise and irritation hit her when she saw Mamizou was in the room as well, reading paper and drinking tea. "What are you doing here?!"

Mamizou smiled and waved. "Well I figure this is one of those times you need an adult mentor to talk with. And since that Buddhist witch and Taoist prince are too busy being important leader types the job falls to crazy aunt Mami."

"I don't need you following me," Kokoro snapped. "And I don't-"

Satori sighed and put a plate with omelette rice in front of Kokoro. "Don't worry about it. Here have some breakfast."

The food seemed like a much better option than arguing with a tanuki. Kokoro took the place and sat down. "Thank you." Satori followed suit.

"So you remember," Satori stated.

Kokoro let her mask of embarrassment hide her face. "Should I not?"

"Well your next partner's going to have a hard time living up to it, if the rumors about satori are true," Mamizou chuckled.

"Shut up." Kokoro sighed then started in on breakfast.

Satori shook her head, then looked at Kokoro. "If she had fully closed her heart again you would have forgotten. If she had sealed her heart back to the way it was before, then your memory would be fuzzy. That means you hurt her. Gave her heart a wound she didn't close."

Kokoro flinched. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be kid," Mamizou said. "Love is a lot of things, as you're learning. But the one truth about love, is that it's vulnerability. If you can't give enough of yourself that they can hurt you, then it isn't much of a relationship."

Kokoro gave the tanuki a look but Satori nodded. "It's true. Especially with satori romances. Our race tends to have short and painful relationships."

"Is that so?" Kokoro stirred at her breakfast, taking occasional bites. Finally she looked up at Mamizou. "So what's your advice?"

Mamizou smirked. "Be young, make mistakes, get hurt, complain to crazy aunt Mamizou about it. Or better yet keep bothering Miko so I can have a laugh."

"But..." Kokoro looked down at the plate, remembering the fear in Koishi's eyes.

"If my sister didn't want some kind of connection, she wouldn't have let you keep a link to her heart," Satori said softly. "I admit, I don't understand my sister's choices. But I at least know she made that choice of her own will." Satori looked up at Kokoro. "She'll hurt you again and again if you try. And if you walk away that will be fine. But so long as you let her make her choices, I won't judge you for the outcomes."

Kokoro looked down at the plate, her emotions roiling again. What did she want? What did Koishi want? What did love even mean?

Finally she stood. "Thank you for the meal." She bowed to Satori and then turned to walk away. Kokoro didn't understand her emotions, but she understood one thing. Koishi had opened her heart to her, just a little.

"Kokoro, what does it mean when you don't have a mask?" Satori asked quietly.

Kokoro turned to face the two other women again and pointed to her face. "This is my strongest mask. Hope."

Mamizou nodded. "It's a good mask. Suits you well."

"Thank you," Kokoro said, before turning and walking out the door.

She wasn't sure about the details. But she was going to figure out her own emotions. And then she was going to face her nemesis again. With that thought she boldly strode out into the palace.

A moment later she turned back. "Um, which way is out?"

"I'll help," Mamizou said with a chuckle.


End file.
